


Acceptance

by cherrysprite



Series: Quarantine Fics [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christianity, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, NO religion bashing, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Religious Theo Raeken, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrysprite/pseuds/cherrysprite
Summary: Five times they kiss throughout their lives and how it moves them along through life.++Please read beginning notes before reading!!
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: Quarantine Fics [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691383
Comments: 12
Kudos: 91





	Acceptance

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ BEFORE BEGINNING!
> 
> I want to start out by saying that this is a touchy subject and I debated on whether or not to post this at all because of the sensitive matter.
> 
> I DO NOT, in any way, mean to bash Christianity or religion in general as being unaccepting and an obstacle in life. No matter my religious status, the view that God does NOT accept everyone is NOT MY OWN. It is there within the story to show that not all followers of the faith are as accepting as God is. The purpose of the story is to show how Theo overcame his own insecurities and fears put in place by people who did not teach him that God would not punish him for being who he is. It is in no way about overcoming his religion as a whole. His beliefs are important to him and he learns to accept himself and his faith at the same time.
> 
> Please tell me if I've done anything wrong. I don't mean to offend in any way.

Liam and Theo are fourteen the first time they kiss.

They have time while they're waiting for Liam's mother to pick them up, so they wait under the overhang in the front of Beacon Hills High School, backs resting against the wall of the school as they sit on the ground. Theo's cross necklace is woven in between his fingers. Theo's mother was supposed to pick them up before she had to go to another shift, so he had taken it off his neck. Liam knows he'll put it back on by the time they got to Theo's house.

They share white earbuds between them, sitting close with their shoulders pressed together, and they look across the concrete silently. Their other classmates were long gone by then, but being only freshmen, they didn't have the privilege of driving yet. Liam isn't in much of a rush. He likes waiting with Theo.

Liam likes quiet moments with Theo because they always mean something. Silence is never uncomfortable with Theo, the only person Liam found that peace with. Even better was the conversation that came after, because silence means that thoughts build up.

One in particular had been building in Liam's mind for awhile, and he chooses then to voice it. He figures, in his teenage naivete, that it's a good time because they're alone and Theo is already close. 

"I wonder what it's like to kiss somebody," He speaks into the air, but Theo doesn't react besides a small nod.

He doesn't offer like Liam wants him to, but he doesn't deny it when Liam asks if he wonders the same thing, and he doesn't refuse when Liam suggests they should just try it. He looks at Liam with his eyebrow raised like he isn't sure if he heard Liam right, but Liam just looks back at him with a question in his eye. Theo blinks once. Liam doesn't notice the way his fingers are curling at the concrete underneath him and his body tensing up. He notices Theo's slow nod, and that's what he takes.

Liam leans in and kisses him, unafraid, and at first, he feels nothing. He feels like he's kissing someone and a second ago he wasn't, but that's it. 

He feels something when he really realizes that he's kissing someone, kissing Theo, and then he _really_ feels it. Warmth blooms in his chest as he starts to move his lips against Theo's, and his hand comes up to hold Theo's chin. Theo's mouth moves with his in belated, hesitant movements, but as far as Liam is concerned, it's perfect.

He pulls away for breath feeling wonder-struck, like he had been missing out for so long and he should have been kissing Theo for as long as he's known him. It doesn't ever occur to him that Theo could feel anything other than the bliss Liam's experiencing. He has a smile on his face. Theo doesn't.

"...Maybe we shouldn't do that," Theo whispers instead. He gets up from the ground when Liam's mom finally pulls into the parking lot, but Liam stays on the concrete for a second to gather himself. They're fourteen the first time Theo breaks his heart.

The car ride home is quiet. Theo puts the cross back on when they turn on his street.

+++

They don't ever talk about it again until Liam and Theo are sixteen. They've moved past it by now. Theo was able to look him in the eye again about two weeks after it happened, and Liam, taking that as a win, is able to push down what he feels.

It had been easier than Liam had anticipated to get back to normal with Theo. It took a little while, but that was better than Theo abandoning him altogether. It was clear that they missed each other and the way things used to be after a couple days of being distant and awkward, so they agreed that it meant nothing and they wouldn't do it again. The rest of freshman year passed without incident, and sophomore year was uneventful.

Now they're in junior year, and they're at a party that Liam knows Theo's parents would never approve of. They don't approve of much, after all. They don't like Theo to be out this late, so they told them that they were going to study with a couple friends, and they certainly wouldn't like it if they knew how much alcohol their son has rolling around in his stomach. 

Theo worries a lot about what his parents think. He's been raised a certain way, and Liam understands that better now. Liam's mother says that Theo has something she calls _"religious guilt,"_ and that was why Theo was so anxious sometimes.

"I understand what he's feeling," He said when Liam asked her what she meant. "Theo and I were raised by similar parents in similar beliefs. Sometimes...sometimes we're taught that what we're feeling is wrong. My parents didn't teach me about the God that would love and accept me no matter who I was, and I think that Theo had the same experience. Even if he knows that God loves him, there's always that part that doubts."

Liam's glad he knows now, because he's more patient with Theo when he tries new things and can remind himself that not everyone has it as easy as he does.

It's just that Theo loosens up a lot in the brief moments when he forgets, and Liam wants to say that he forgets too, but he doesn't. He knows deep down that despite his understanding of Theo's situation, he's selfish. He has his needs and his wants, and one of those is Theo. He's been in love with him since they first kissed two years ago, and he can't let go of it. He _knows_ Theo feels the same way, which makes it even worse.

They're dancing at the party together. This time, the music is loud, everyone can hear it, and they aren't alone. The only thing that's the same is that they're still close, closer than they had been the first time. 

Liam tries to keep in mind that Theo is only joking when he pulls him in to start dancing, but he knows that he isn't. His grip on his hips is a little too hard and his breath is a little too fast for it to be only a joke to him. The eye contact lasts a little too long.

Theo returns his kiss for a few fleeting seconds. His hands come up to cup Liam's face, but he seems to realize what he's doing before they can get there. Instead of landing on Liam's face, they go to his chest and he's being pushed back, cold.

+++

This time, it isn't so easy for them to get back to normal. The fact of the matter is that they don't. They come back to school on Monday morning and Theo wants nothing to do with Liam. It takes catching him in the stairwell for Liam to get a word in, and even then, it doesn't get fixed.

Theo feels a strong hand grip his forearm on the last stair from behind him and he knows who it is right away. He steps down and tries to wrench himself away, but he can't. Liam holds on until they get to the ground and even then he doesn't want to let go. "Theo-" He tries, but this time, Theo manages to rip out of his grasp.

"Why the _fuck_ ," Theo hisses, anger and desperation in his eyes. "Would you do that? _You_ _know_ you can't pull that shit!" His voice doesn't rise above a whisper, but it's loud enough in Liam's ears as Theo backs him up into the wall, livid. "Anyone could have seen that, Liam. _Anyone_. People know my _parents_ here, you fucking idiot! We go to _church_ together! If you think for one second that any of the kids at that party wouldn't rat me out, you're fucking stupid."

"T-Theo-" Liam tries again, guilt overcoming him, but Theo doesn't let him.

"In front of people, Liam? Really?" He asks now, his voice going weaker. His shoulders sag and the anger leaves his face. Liam fears what would happen, but he knows now is the only time to speak.

"But you would kiss me in private?" He breathes, looking up at Theo through his eyelashes. 

Theo looks at him, struggling for a few seconds, before he brings his hands up to Liam's face and kisses him. Liam pours his heart into it, because something about this time really feels like it's the last time. There's an air of finality in the way Theo holds him and breathes, and it hollows him as much as his kiss is supposed to fill. I love you, I love you, please don't end this. 

"It doesn't matter," Theo whispers, eyes closed, once they've parted. "I can't."

He leaves Liam alone in the stairwell, the memory of his lips fading fast and cooling on his skin. Liam watches him go. He doesn't turn back.

+++

Liam doesn't care about much after that. As far as he's concerned, he's lost the only good part of living. He sees no reason to keep going to school anymore. 

Theo sits across the room now when they should be sitting next to each other. He hangs out with different people now, leaving a hole in Liam's friend group. He doesn't look happy like he did when things were normal, but then again, Liam isn't sure that Theo will ever be happy. He may think he puts on a fake face, but his smile never reaches his eyes. He struggles, and now there's nothing Liam can do about it. 

He looks happier than Liam does. He barely recognizes himself when he looks in the mirror anymore, not that he can bring himself to care. His appearance reflects how he feels, which is lost and numb. It overtakes his brain so much that he can't even bring himself to want to break out of it. It's depression and he knows it, the consequences of his actions. 

It's his fault that Theo doesn't talk to him anymore, and he reminds himself every day. 

The swirl of emotions and complicated feelings and concepts circling around Liam's head is enough to make him feel like nothing else matters, and it shows in the way he acts. He misses Theo so badly that he can't eat, and he finds classes to be useless, so he starts failing them without a second thought. All he has left is the memories, and the whispers and rumors that get to him after everyone else has heard them.

He hears through the grapevine a few months after the stairwell that Theo and his family are leaving town soon, moving away, and that's when things really start to spiral. He was able to keep up his social life enough, but it takes one jab at a classmate taken too far for Liam to get his ass beat. He gets a punch across the face and kicks to his stomach in the parking lot after school, and he wakes up at home.

It takes him a second to register what he's smelling, but once he does, he opens his eyes as quickly as he can to a dark room. Theo's shadowy figure is in front of him, tucking him into bed, and the smell of his cologne is what brings him back to reality, although hazy. "Theo-?" he mumbles, his face sore and exhaustion weighing his words down.

"Shh," Gently comes from Theo's lips as he brings the covers around Liam. "Go back to sleep."

"I thought you left..."

Theo pauses for a second before shaking his head and pulling the blankets tighter around him. "Not yet."

Tears prick at the back of Liam's eyes before he can stop them, not that he wants to. He feels so helpless that he doesn't mind and he needs to cry more than anything. "I don't want you to go," He says, voice breaking.

"It's better for both of us if I do," Theo whispers after a moment of thinking like it hurts him to say. Both of them know it wasn't what Liam wants to hear. Liam starts to cry then, tears running down as he falls back to sleep, unable to fight it anymore.

Liam wishes he would have been more awake when Theo presses his lips to his softly, the goodbye that Liam didn't want but wanted to remember. "I'm sorry," Theo whispers as he starts to leave.

"I love you," Liam says as a last effort. Theo pauses in the doorway.

"...I know."

Liam wakes up the next morning to his mother looming over him instead, rubbing a finger sadly across the bruise on his cheek, and he feels like his life has ended.

+++

But things do get better, slowly but surely, for both of them.

Liam picks himself back up after Theo leaves and manages to rebuild himself. He's not the happiest all the time, but he isn't as miserable as he was before, which is good for him. He finds that fake-it-till-you-make-it does work in some cases, which is how he finishes high school. During graduation, he still thinks that he would rather do this with Theo, but he can accept that things don't always work out the way he wants them to. All he can hope for awhile is that Theo is happy and safe somewhere.

He starts at a community college for his first year and moves into a dorm, embracing college life. He studies history like he had always planned to, and he has fun with it. He meets new people and makes new friends, some of which are enough to distract him for the time being from his past. His mind still drifts to Theo every now and again.

It's three months into his first year of college when he gets a text from an unknown number in the middle of doing his homework, and he raises an eyebrow at the simple message: _"Hey."_ He texts back a _"Who is this?"_ and throws his phone back onto his mattress, getting back to typing complete bullshit into his essay until his phone buzzes again.

_Sorry, is this still Liam's number?  
It's Theo_

His heart drops.

And soars.

 _This is still my number. How are you?_ He asks, trying not to sound like he's been hoping for this day for all of summer.

They start talking again after that, and Liam couldn't be happier. Theo decided to go to a college not far from Liam's, but it's far away from his parents, which both of them were relieved about. They start with talking about the small stuff, like classes, dorms, and people they met, but as weeks go by, some of Liam's questions are answered.

He's starting to like himself again, and he doesn't feel ashamed about who he likes anymore. He knows now that what his parents told him wasn't always true. He'd looked into it more independently and found out that not everyone thought of religion the same way that he had learned it. _"I like this way better,"_ Theo said, and Liam's heart swelled. It was all Liam could have hoped for, for Theo to be happy.

When Christmas break comes around, Theo says he isn't coming back home to his parents, but Liam asks if he wants to go back to Liam's house instead. _"We don't have to talk about anything like that,"_ He assures him before Theo even sees the text. _"Just thought you might want to come back somewhere good for the holidays."_

Theo shoots back a _"yes :)"_ and the next thing Liam knows, they're spending their month off together at Liam's house.

It feels just like old times.

He could tell over text that Theo was happier, but now that they're face to face, it's clearer than ever. Theo clearly thinks less about what he does and his risks are less measured. They get back to being friends again.

Liam isn't expecting to kiss Theo ever again, but he does, many times over. Theo kisses him first on the couch a few days after Christmas, and there's no pushing each other away. There's no period in between each one where they stop talking - they just smile at each other and sit back, content.

In the future, it's still hard for Theo. Theo has a complicated relationship with God that he holds close to him regardless, and Liam is patient with learning about it and helping Theo along as he does too. He still debates with himself a lot, and it takes years before Theo really, truly knows for sure that he's allowed to have this.

Just like old times, Liam is there with him every step of the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Once again, please tell me if I could improve on anything or if I did this entire thing wrong. I just wanted to write it because religious guilt is a thing a lot of people go through, but if this is inaccurate, I will take it down.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :)  
> Tumblr: grenadinepeach


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